MIKE
            Ingrid and Bogie and Bogie and Bacall.  King Kong.

                                   TODD
            I won't watch black and white.

                                   Mike and Chris are horrified.  They
                                   look at each other, stunned.

                                   MIKE
            Not even Casablanca?

                                   TODD
            Casa who-ha?

                                   MIKE
                          (jumps up and points
                           accusingly)

            INFIDEL!

                                   CHRIS
                          (also shocked)
            You're not gay!  You can't be gay!

                                   MIKE
                          (points accusingly)

            HETERO!

                                   (reaches for bong and breathes as if
                                   from an oxygen mask.)

                                   TODD
            Geez, guys, c'mon.
                          (blows on them)
            Happy place.  Warm sea breezes.  Surf and turf.
                          (blows again)

                                   MIKE
            Todd, that is unbelievable.  All these years, I thought I
            knew you.

                                   TODD
            You will not make me feel shame, Author!

                                   CHRIS
            You've missed a lot of great stuff.

                                   MIKE
            Yeah.  REALLY great.  Hey!  You'd LOVE the silent version of
            Ben Hur.  Togas, naked men butts...

                                   TODD
                          (suddenly interested)
            No way!  They couldn't do that!

                                   MIKE
            Oh, yes they could!  And did!  There's this huge muscle guy,
            chained to the wall, totally nude as the slaves at the oars
            row for their lives, inspired by the snap of the whip and the
            crack of his sweet ass.  There's also butt-naked ladies in
            the parade scene.

                                   TODD
            Well, I could watch that one, I guess...

                                   CHRIS
            And you wouldn't believe how bitchy the women are in black
            and white.  Joan Crawford in "The Women."

                                   MIKE
            She's a total "c-word".  Lana Turner in "Postman".

                                   CHRIS
            Bette Davis in just about everything.

                                   MIKE
            Except for...
                          (sniffs, as if crying)

                                   CHRIS & MIKE
            Dark Victory!

                                   CHRIS
            "Why is it growing dark so early?"

                                   CHRIS & MIKE
            Aaaaaaaawwww!

                                   TODD
            Well, I do like bitches...
                          (looks at them both)
            ...obviously!

                                   CHRIS
            Takes one to know one, dear.
                          (they all laugh, then again
                           grow quiet.)

                                   MIKE
            Tomorrow, we make a movie.  I'm making a movie with my two
            best friends.  I can't believe it.

                                   CHRIS
                          (takes Mike's hand and smiles
                           at him)
            Believe, bud.  Believe.

                                   Lights off.  Spotlight on Chris.

                                   MIKE
            Right from the get go, we had to modify our plans.  Poor
            Chris.  He has...difficulty with change.

                                   Spotlight on Chris.  He is stressed.

                                   CHRIS
            Everything was planned perfectly.  I created a tight
            schedule.  Rehearsal at 10:00, break for lunch, rehearse
            until evening, then start shooting the exterior night scenes. 
            The next day, shoot the interiors, which was most of the
            film, then any remaining exteriors.  We'd do two final scenes
            on Monday, then wrap.  We had a schedule!

                                   Spotlight on Todd

                                   TODD
            Anal little bitch.

                                   Spotlight on Chris.

                                   CHRIS
            I had the wardrobe.  I had condoms and lubes.  I was
            considerate enough to schedule actors who had multiple sex
            scenes plenty of time between scenes, so they could rest
            up...rest.  I factored in extra minutes for performance
            failures.  I WAS READY, DAMMIT!

                                   Spotlight on Mike.