FIONA
            Work with me, Author!  Work with me!

                                   TODD
            I can solve this.  Unless we find actors who own their own,
            there's no room in the budget for costumes.

                                   CHRIS
            Fiona...

                                   FIONA
                          (she smiles at his correct
                           pronunciation of her name)
            Yes, dear?

                                   CHRIS
            Don't the torn Levis serve as a metaphor?

                                   FIONA
                          (interested)
            Go on...

                                   CHRIS
            Think - Levi's.  Levi.  A beloved name of a beleaguered
            people.  A beloved jean for a beleaguered minority.

                                   FIONA
            You're right!  Brilliant!
                          (turns to Mike)
            Author is a humble man, allowing others to reveal his genius. 
            Kudos, Author!

                                   Stage goes dark.  Spotlight on Chris.

                                   CHRIS
            The idea of the movie was fun.  The reality, however, was
            anything but.  Every spare hour was spent on minutia, the 
            small details that become large problems if unattended.

                                   Lights up to all in the living room,
                                   different positions.

                                   MIKE
                          (exhausted)
            Let me try to explain it one more time.  Werewolves only come
            out at night during a full moon.  They can't come out in a
            half moon.  They can't come out in a quarter moon.  And they
            sure as hell can't appear during Sunday brunch!

                                   Lights blink off, then on.  Actors
                                   change positions.  Todd is on sofa,
                                   bored.  Fiona and Mike are listening to
                                   Chris, with tense body language.

                                   CHRIS
                          (to both, sounding tired from a
                           long argument)
            I understand what you're saying, really, I do!  All I'm
            saying is that if we try to film that scene in that
            intersection, someone's going to jail!

                                   Lights blink off, then on.  Actors
                                   change positions.

                                   FIONA
                          (frustrated)
            But what does it mean, Author?  What does it all mean?

                                   MIKE
            It's a blowjob, for Chrissakes!  A blowjob!

                                   Lights blink off, then on.  Actors
                                   change positions.

                                   CHRIS
                          (reading pages, then pointing)
            Here!  Here's exactly what I'm saying.  "I know we'll find
            it, Phil!  If only the hydrocompositer could oxygenize the
            renoconductor..."
                          (hits pages with his hand)
            They're porn stars, kids!  Porn stars!  Five words in a row -
            max!

                                   MIKE
            Ok, how's "sit on this, ass whore?"

                                   FIONA, CHRIS & TODD
                          (individually, but at same
                           time)
            Oh, yes.  That works.  Very nice.

                                   Lights blink off, then on.  Actors
                                   change positions.  They are looking
                                   tired, except Todd.

                                   FIONA
                          (tired)
            I know this is difficult.  Anything great is difficult.

                                   TODD
            Sing it, sister girl!

                                   MIKE
            Queerwolf, Schmerewolf.  Right now, I could put this puppy
            down.

                                   FIONA
            I know you are tired.  You have worked so much.
                          (slowly standing)
            We are on the brink of something wonderful.  Something
            extraordinary.  Author.  Boys.  Have I told you about the
            adult video awards?

                                   CHRIS
            Porn awards?  You're kidding?

                                   TODD
            Naw.  Been around for years.

                                   FIONA
            Once yearly, the adult film demonstrating the best in
            quality, integrity and acting skill...

                                   TODD
            It's the integrity that I like.

                                   FIONA
            ...is awarded the industry's highest honors.  It's quite a
            ceremony.  Dinner, dancing, production numbers.

                                   CHRIS
            You're kidding!