VERL
                         Jupa-clacka!  That was a close one!
                             (pauses, thinking to
                              himself. He looks back
                              towards the door again
                              before speaking to the
                              audience.)
                         People get in trouble because of s
                         e-x.  I mean, I've gotten into
                         sticky situations because of it. 
                         It surrounds us.  Commercials,
                         movies, magazines, Sears
                         catalogues, sporting events, Smog
                         Stations...
                             (pause)
                         I am not a big fan of s-e-x.  It
                         gets messy and the lust bug stops
                         after 20 minutes.  Alright, 10
                         minutes.  Fine!  Three!  And then
                         everyone gets all upset and runs
                         around yelling "Oh, no!  I've just
                         had s-e-x!  I've just cooled my
                         loins of passion!  Oh, no!"  Or, "I
                         was drunk and on smack while
                         wearing tight shoes and I didn't
                         mean to sleep with that person!"
                             (pauses)
                         S-e-x goes two ways.  Either people
                         brag about it all the time or they
                         flip out about it.
                             (pauses)
                         You don't believe me?  How about I
                         throw out some seductive words that
                         aren't meant to be seductive at you
                         and we'll see just what type of
                         reaction we get...kind of a science
                         experiment thingy.  Ready?
                             (Verl looks out about the
                              audience. He then flatly
                              delivers the following
                              words except for "Sally
                              Field". He mumbles her
                              name under his breath.)
                         Underwear...Totsie Pops...Cheese
                         Whiz...Sally Field...KY
                         jelly...orange
                         juice....Saab...Marine Corp...Greg
                         Brady...Sally Field...the U.S.
                         Men's Olympic Curling team...Tonka
                         trucks...Sally Kellerman...West
                         Virginia...Saint Leviticus...pork
                         bellies...Sally Field.

               He stops for a moment and gives the audience a telling look.

                                   VERL
                         See?  You're all very hot under the
                         collar now, aren't you?  It's all
                         subliminal, you know.  Kraft Foods,
                         The Miracle Whip people, secretly
                         put "those words" into our heads
                         and when we see them or hear of
                         them- BANG, you're having s-e-x. 
                         Holly, I feel, is a victim of these
                         subliminal messages.  It's just
                         that her heart is in her floral p-a
                         n-t-i-e-s.
                             (pauses)
                         That's why I've become a
                         Republican.  We don't have sex.  At
                         least not with each other. 
                         Republican's don't like other
                         people having sex either.  They
                         only allow it if they are
                         procreating.  I know this because
                         Mr. Falwell, Mr. Lott, Mr.
                         Ashcroft, Mrs. Bush, the second
                         one, not the first one, the first
                         Mrs. Bush, she LOVES s-e-x.  You
                         can tell just by looking at her. 
                         Any woman who looks like she can
                         make a wicked apple pie, means she
                         loves it.  But she's really a
                         closet Democrat.  But all these
                         Republicans announced there
                         feelings about s-e-x on national
                         television.  They wouldn't announce
                         that if it wasn't correct,right? 
                         Maybe it's wasn't regular
                         television, maybe it was on cable,
                         Larry King, I think.

                                   MISS MACINERNIE
                         And one time on Nick At Nite during
                         "The Jefferson's", dear.