The words on the scrim read "Two
                         Minute Warning".  Tom and Candice
                         are sitting on the couch.  He is
                         watching a hockey game.  She is
                         going through papers.  Tom reaches
                         over and starts to stroke Candice's
                         hair.  She swats his hand away.

                                   CANDICE
                         Tom, cut it out.  Tomorrow's the
                         tenth, and we've barely started.  I
                         still have two stacks of this crap
                         to dig through.

                                   TOM
                             (moving closer to her.)
                         C'mon, Snickers.  You can take a 20
                         minute break.
                             (he begins to kiss the
                              back of her neck)
                         And then I'll help you with the
                         mean old taxes.

                                   CANDICE
                         I can tell what you want to do for
                         the first five minutes, but what
                         will we do with the other fifteen?
                             (she laughs)

                                   TOM
                             (pulls back)
                         What's that supposed to mean?

                                   CANDICE
                         It's just a joke, Tom.

                                   TOM
                         Are you saying that I do the nasty
                         too fast?

                                   CANDICE
                         No, I am not saying that.  And why
                         do you call it that?  You sound as
                         if you just got out of High School.

                                   TOM
                         You never minded it before.

                                   CANDICE
                         Yeah, well, after two kids, a ton
                         of bills, a mortgage, two car
                         payments, and cellulite, the
                         cuteness is wearing thin.

                                   TOM
                         Now, honey, everyone has the same
                         problems.  Well, maybe not the
                         cellulite...
                             (goes back to kissing her
                              neck)
                         We can't let that keep us from
                         what's important.  C'mon, baby. 
                         The kids are asleep and we haven't
                         done "it" for at least a week.
                             (very seductively)
                         So what do you say, old lady?

                                   CANDICE
                             (pushing him away.)
                         For Christ's sake, Tom!  We have
                         got to do this.  Can't you just go
                         in the bathroom and take care of it
                         yourself?

                                   TOM
                             (he laughs)
                         And the reason for having you
                         around is...?

                                   CANDICE
                             (stung by the comment)
                         You ass!

               Grabs some papers and shakes them angrily

                                   CANDICE
                         That's right!  Screw the taxes! 
                         I'll just sit here and be ready
                         to...
                             (sits back with legs
                              spread wide)
                         ...service my man!

                                   TOM
                             (trying to laugh it off)
                         C'mon, you know I'm kidding.

                                   CANDICE
                             (rises off the couch)
                         Maybe you can find a gal who you
                         can lay while she reviews your
                         10:40...

               Sarcastically

                                   CANDICE
                         "Oooh, Tommy, you're the beeeeest
                         what-was-your-reportable-interest
                         earnings-per-schedule-E?"  There is
                         much more to life, Thomas, than
                         doing the "nasty." And whatever
                         happened to making love?

                                   TOM
                         Honey, I was only teasing!  Just
                         like you were doing!

                                   CANDICE
                         No, Tom, I don't think you were. 
                         SO GROW UP!

                                   TOM
                         Ok, so I see how this works.  You
                         get to make fun of me, basically
                         accusing me of being Quick Draw
                         Mcfucking-Draw, but I'm not allowed
                         to make a little crack.  And I mean
                         that both figuratively AND
                         literally!

                                   CANDACE
                         You know, if you used one-tenth of
                         the energy that you waste on
                         juvenile humor into your
                         performance in the bedroom...

                                   TOM
                         Oh, so now I suck TOTALLY in the
                         sack?

                                   CANDACE
                         Tom, that's not what I'm saying! 
                         And I don't even know why we're
                         arguing about this.  All I wanted
                         was some help getting the goddamned
                         taxes done.

                                   TOM
                             (a bit defensively)
                         And all I wanted was to give you a
                         break before you started in again.

               Pauses, then says softly.

                                   TOM
                         Look, I said I'd help.

                                   CANDICE
                         No, no, that's alright.  I'm going
                         into the kitchen to do this.  You
                         just watch your game.  I'll be
                         fine.
                             (she exits. Tom watches
                              her exit. He then looks
                              back at the television
                              and lets out a deep sigh.
                              "Why Don't You Do Right
                              Get Me Some Money Too" by
                              Peggy Lee is heard, the
                              lights fade.)